Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he's remarkably fat
He doesn't haunt pubs
He has eight or nine clubs
For he's the St. James Street cat!

He's the cat we all greet as we walk down the street
In his coat of fastidious black
No common-place mousers have such well-cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back
In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names
Is the name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats

My visits are occasional to the senior educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the joint superior schools

When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese or at the Glutton
When I look full of gloom then I've lunched at the tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white spats

So much in this way passes Bustopher's day
At one club or another he's found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round

He's a twenty-five pounder (or I am a bounder)
And he's putting on weight every day

But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine and I'd say
I am still in my prime
I shall last out my time
That's the word from this stoutest of cats

It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats

The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees Conjuring Turn

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation
They made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their center of operation
For they were incurably given to rove

If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls

Then the family would say
"It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time
They left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had an unusual gift of the gab
They were highly efficient cat burglars as well
And remarkably smart at a smash and grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove
They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows who liked to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation

When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"

Then the family would say
"It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time
They left it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had a wonderful way
Of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
When you heard a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming

Then the family would say, "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer!"
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things can it be really?
No! Yes! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall
The oldest inhabitant croaks:

Well, of all things can it be really?
No! Yes! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things can it be really?
No! Yes! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things can it be really?
No! Yes! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy

Well, of all things can it be really?
No! Yes! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy